You Might Be A Homesteader If….

  • All of your coats have hay in the pockets, including your church coat.
  • You’ve ever been late to church because the cows got out.
  • There are muck boots in the back of your truck. You never know when you’ll need them!
  • Your friends and neighbors are on speed dial, and have been known to come over at a moment’s notice.
  • You get really, really excited when the cow’s milk production goes up. Like really excited.
  • When RSVPing to an event, you add on the condition “Lord willing and the creek don’t rise!”
  • You know where the term “cowlicks” came from.
  • Entire meals can be made off of produce and meat from your land.
  • When you have visitors, they ask to ride your COW. And the cow will actually let you.
  • You’ve ever had a horse, lamb, dog, piglet, baby rabbit, or cat in your house. At least we have. Thank goodness we haven’t had a cow in the house! Yet.
  • Your friend calls you when he’s in the neighborhood to see if there are any animals that need wrangling.
  • You actually do cry over spilt milk.
  • All your animals have food names, like Pork Chop, Bacon, Milkshake, Omelet, Steak, Hamburger, etc.
  • Your brothers go on an Easter egg hunt every day.
  • The four year old thinks hunting produce in the garden is a treasure hunt.
  • You know where the saying “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket” came from.
  • There are 500 trees from the conservation department sitting on your front porch waiting to be planted.
  • All your vacation days are spent acquiring new livestock.
  • Your floor is never clean for more than 5 minutes.
  • If you’ve ever chopped wood in -30 degree weather.
  • There is any kind of animal poop in your vehicle.
  • You use your 12 passenger van as a makeshift pickup truck when all the seats are taken out.
  • EVERYTHING is bought in bulk.
  • You’ve milked the cow at midnight because you lost track of time at a party.
  • Reuse and Make Do are now your life’s motto.
  • You’ve gotten used to people identifying you by your adventures, i.e. “Your the one who had that turkey in the back of your car, aren’t you?!”
  • The mailman’s got nothing on you. You work through wind, sleet, snow, ice, rain, lightning, sun, heat, cold, and any other kind of weird weather phenomenon with no pay.
  • Packages that come in the mail don’t hold quite the same joy to your kids as they all are most likely just farm books and stuff. However you are ecstatic!
  • You can identify all your neighbors by their pick up truck and/or the speed their vehicle is traveling.
  • You’ve ever been called to come help your friends find their lost sheep.
  • One of your pigs had piglets unexpectedly, and then promptly rejects them, leaving it to you to bottle feed piglets every 2 hours. And of course you can’t leave them at home because they need to eat so often, so you take them to church with you.
  • After said church visit is over, you realize that you forgot the nipple for the bottle. So you stop at Tractor Supply and buy a new one. While you are feeding them with the back of your van open, you have people walking up asking to pet your pigs. I am not kidding!
  • Butchering parties happen quite often, and you trade off help with your friends. Chickens on Wednesday at the Smiths, a cow on Friday at the Jones.
  • You homestead is named something like “Udder Chaos Farm”
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